Muzzling the Motor Mouths at Work

With Emotional Intelligence, it's hardly difficult at all. First, a look at "MUZZLING THE MOTOR MOUTHS: SILENCE WORKPLACE WINDBAGS," by guest writer, Bill Lampton, Ph.D., and then some Emotional Intelligence tools to apply!

"Muzzling the Motor Mouths"

Nonstop talkers surround us. They appear to have no concept of time, as they ramble on endlessly--following their request to "talk to you for a minute." You want to treat them courteously, yet demonstrate that you need privacy to finish your work.

During my twenty-three years in management, I dealt with blabbermouths frequently, so for the last ten years I have advised clients on how to silence the workplace windbags. Here are my suggestions for muzzling the motor mouths:

ONE: Offer nonverbal cues. If you continue your work and don't make eye contact, many people will take the hint and decide to leave. Another approach: Check your watch repeatedly. A more prominent gesture: Put your hand up like a policeman stopping traffic, a universally understood position. Start packing your briefcase, signaling your departure plans.

TWO: When subtle cues won't work, explain why you can't have a conversation. "I can't talk right now, because I'm in the middle of a project that's due tomorrow. I'll get back with you later." Notice--that puts you in charge of the next move.

THREE: Try giving a time limit: "I've got five minutes. What can we cover in that amount of time?" Then stick to the announced limit rigidly, and get on the phone or walk away when the five minutes have expired.

FOUR: Make sure you meet with gabby people in their offices, not yours. Why? Walking away is much less awkward than trying to shuffle someone out of your office.

FIVE: Wherever you meet, schedule the get-together just before lunch or closing time, when they will be more conscious of time limits themselves.

SIX: Enlist an assistant's help. Before the chatty person arrives, tell a co-worker to interrupt you if the visitor is still there after fifteen minutes. A comment like "Do you remember that appointment you have now?" will justify your ending the conversation.

SEVEN: Compliment the talker by saying, "Gosh, what you are saying sounds worth considering. Please go back to your desk now and put your recommendations in writing, so I can share them with the staff."

EIGHT: Remove the usual comforts by having a stand-up meeting. This symbolically conveys that you are not going to settle in for an extended appointment.

NINE: In a group meeting, tell the windbag, "Really appreciate your input on that, Marvin. Now let me give Sharon and one or two others a chance to respond." Another ploy: "We're on a tight schedule, so I have to move us to the next point on the agenda."

TEN: Ask for a conclusion: "Sandra, I think I get what you are driving at, but just to be sure please sum it up for me in a few sentences."

ELEVEN: Get up and walk toward the door, saying, "Let's finish this on the way out."

TWELVE: Introduce them to someone else: "I want you to share your ideas with Norman, because he heads this particular program."

Next time the company chatterbox confronts you, try these approaches. They work, and they won't shatter relationships. And here is an invitation: If you use some strategies I haven't mentioned, please e-mail them to me: drbill@ChampionshipCommunication.com Title your e-mail MOTOR MOUTHS, so I will be sure to open it. If you send me a suggestion, please indicate whether you grant permission for me to quote you in articles, on my blog and elsewhere.
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Bill Lampton, Ph.D.--author of The Complete Communicator: Change Your Communication, Change Your Life!-- helps organizations strengthen their communication, motivation,
customer service and sales. He has served a diverse list of top-level client. Visit his Web site to sign up for his monthly complimentary newsletter here: http://www.ChampionshipCommunication.com Call Dr. Lampton to bring his expertise to your group: 770-534-3425 or 800-393-0114. E-mail: drbill@ChampionshipCommunication.com
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Most of the strategies I use aren't mentioned. It's one of the office "problems" I find easy to deal, so I'll list some of my strategies. I think they're based on emotional intelligence, not the least of which is good manners, or business etiquette. When you enjoy good relationships throughout your organization, are well-liked, and respectful of others, you can be fairly straight-forward, which is not one of the tactics mentioned aboce (oddly), you can use humor, your knowledge of your co-workers first-hand, and also your knowledge of the political sructure at your office.

10 MORE STRATEGIES THAT ARE EQ-BASED

1. Your intentions.

Emotions are contagious. If you are sure about what you need, and don't feel insecure and guilty, this won't transfer over to the other person. With etiquette. We seem to have collectively lost our manners, and they were there because they worked. If someone came into my office, I might look up and say, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'd love to talk but I'm on a deadline." With a big sincere smile on your face. Then go back to your work.

2. I find it easiest in my own office, because that's my kingdom, you should pardon the expression.

And why should I have to leave? They are the transgressor. I received people all day long when in PR. It was my job and I ran it on a tight schdule. I listened to each person intently, giving them my full attnetion. Then when it was time to begin the goodbye, I would shift posture and start shuffling papers, still listening (or conversing). Stacking a pile of papers with a noise works. Then when it was time for them to say goodbye, my call as I am in control (personal power) not helpless and hopeless, I simply stood up. But in a decisive way. Usually it was accompanied by a smooth stream of "How lovely you could ... interesting ideas ... we'll have to ... I'll be sure to...I could talk with you all day, too bad I've ..." Then move around the desk, maybe put your arms around their shoulder and usher them out. They can be talking the whole time, it doesn't matter. It involves not listening to what they're saying, just doing what ya gotta do. Never had a problem once I stood up.

3. One problem is we often don't understand what other people are really like, and how different from us they might be.

In #2, someone who would remain seated in that situation is "insensitive." Some people, too, are afraid of "hurting someone else's feelings." "Insensitive" means insensitive to social cues, and to the feelings of others (you, in this case), or to the effect they have on others -- all of this is emotional intelligence, which in this case, is lacking.

Therefore, you are not likely to hurt their feelings, which is what people who have trouble with this fear, I think. Since the other person is "insensitive" or "clueless" you are on another playing field and the rules are different. So you can barrel right along, and it won't phase them, certainly not "hurt their feelings," so keep barreling right along and do what you have to do. Always with etiquette, a smile, and being polite. You can be what you might consider rude, or what might be rude to a polite person; but you aren't with a polite person.

4. External devices work well.

Lampton mentions the secretary. I've had alarms go off, had my secretary call me, even taking the "you've got mail ding" as an excuse to suddenly look at the computer, pretend to have received some crucial email about 'a meeting' or something, and used that.

5. Use alarming non-verbals.

With someone particularly boorish, I've suddenly sat bolt upright in my chair looking alarmed, asked what time it was or nrought my wrist out pointedly and checked my watch, and said, "Oh my gosh! I forget I have a deadline/ a meeting/ I've got to be somewhere in 5 minutes. Feelings are contagious. The 'shot of electricity' works well. You're up and out of there while they're in shock. Of course you're saying "terribly sorry" on your way out.

6. Humor -- someone did this to me today.

At an office where I consult, there's a colleague who tends to prattle on about insignificant details, we'll call her "Uptight Ursula." She has irritated everyone in the office with her behavior and we've all talked about it. I went into a colleague's office and started asking questions about something important to me, but not to her. She answered "I don't know" twice and then said, with a twinkle in her eye, pointedly, "I DON'T KNOW ... URSULLA." Then she said, "Gotcha!" We both laughed, I shut my mouth and got out of there. Went elsewhere for the answer to my questions.

7. There are certain people in an office no one bothers.

Study what they do and how they are. There's a "no nonsense " thing about them, though they may be quite nice. You just know their boundaries and no one violates them. There are always models around.

8. #7 is built on your reputation for the work ethic and professionalism. Places where I worked, people knew I was a hard-worker who never missed a deadline and took my work seriously.

9. Change your nonverbals completely and obviously.

If you don't know how to "have an air of professionalism," call for coaching, and I'll tell you how. To succeed in your profession, you need to know how to switch gears in obvious ways and know how you effect others. Politicking and bonding are essential, but you must be able to show when you are doing that, and when you are churning it out. You must know, and SHOW: This is my brain on socializing. This is my brain on focusing on work product.

8. Camaraderie and nonverbal.

I've put my hands over my ears and shaken my head, "no, no". Some people make the "time out" sign with their hands, or say "TMI" and look away. I know one person who chats for a minute (or listens, I should say) then turns her chair back around to her computer, with a smile. Who wants to talk to someone's back. If they've come in and are standing, and you're seated at your desk working, when you want it to end, look down. No one wants to talk to the furniture.

Group jokes help, and if you've done your work around the water cooler these things are known. Make the noose around the neck sign, like in "Airplane" (was that the name of that movie? Airport? I forget ...) when everyone that guy sat down next to ended up hanging themselves. The first time you do it, make an allusion to the movie. After that, they'll "get it."

9. In a very uptight organization these things are harder to do, and that's the problem - an uptight organization is not a high EQ culture. Let me come do a seminar on this. There aren't rules, but there are META-rules.

10. We have a totally clueless relative we sometimes must have in the house.

He talks at people as if they were objects. If it's my turn I sit for as long as I can stand it. Then I get up and say "tag team" and go get someone else. He never breaks stride but keeps on talking. Once we left him alone in the room and he just sat there. The key is he was not ill-at-ease when we left or even if someone actually said "tag team." This is because he is insensitive. He may even have Asperger's Syndrome (see my website, www.susandunn.cc). It doesn't phase him at all, or hurt his feelings, because his are very unknown to him, and therefore people are objects to him, things to use, things to talk at...get it in perspective. So just say "I'm going now," and get up and leave. If he keeps talking, so what? You are leaving, and then you are gone.

Part of emotional intelligence is managing the emotional forcefield, and understanding how someone is like you, and how they are not. With this type of person, as to preserving relationships, you don't really have them because he doesn't know what that means, and you won't hurt their feelings or cause hard feelings, because he doesn't have them, in the normal sense. I have never had someone like this take offense. That terms is meaningless with a person like this.

Good luck!