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Halloween Safety Tips Halloween is an exciting time, and with such excitement, it’s easy for children to forget basic safety rules. When emotions are running high, it’s a good time to remember to “use your head.” Plan ahead and plan to have a safe Halloween. Raise safety awareness with your family before the festivities begin. We do the right thing, but we don’t always explain it to children. As you place a saucer under each tea light, or “stop, look and listen” at street corners and in parking lots, tell your child why. They don’t always connect the dots unless you point it out. Here are some Halloween Safety Tips to keep in mind: 1. Stay sober and alert. It’s amazing how many family Halloween celebrations involve adults drinking. It’s impossible to monitor children’s safety or your own when you’ve had too much to drink, so don’t. 2. Avoid cuts and burns when decorating. Carving the pumpkin, placing luminaria in the driveway, and hanging spooky skeletons all present opportunities for injury. If you’re decorating with candles, observe fires safety. Have a good fire extinguisher handy and make sure everyone knows where it is. 3. Observe ladder safety regulations. According to the NASD, accidents involving ladders cause an estimated 300 death a year in the US, and 130,000 injuries requiring medical attention. Go here to read about how to use a ladder properly: http://www.cdc.gov/nasd/docs/d000801-d000900/d000877/d000877.html . 4. Make sure “treats” aren’t “tricks.” Many people these days choose to go to fairs or private parties instead of trick or treating for safety reasons. If your child is going trick or treating, go with them. Make it a rule that nothing is to be eaten until it’s first been inspected by you. 5. Caution your child about strangers and dogs. Keep your children with you and remind them to avoid people and dogs they don’t know. Many people are taking their dog companions out in costume these days, and even the most gentle of family pets can do something unexpected with all the excitement. 6. Accidental falls is the number one cause of injuries on Halloween night (National Safety Council). Choose your child’s costume with this in mind. Hem up the hemlines. If you choose a mask, choose one that doesn’t obstruct sight. Stay sober and observe safety rules when decorating. 7. Four times more children are killed in pedestrian/automobile accidents on Halloween night than on any other night of the year. The CDC suggests these factors make it a high risk: short stature, inability to react quickly enough to avoid a car or evaluate a potential traffic threat, lack of impulse control, and all the exciting distractions. 8. The holiday syndrome. The excitement, more candy, more parties, less sleep, less nutritious food, and getting off schedule all mean less attentiveness and also possibly illness. Keep routines as normal as you can. 9. Choose safe and sensible costumes. Choose fire retardant costumes that allow children free movement and good visibility. Be careful about accessories. Even toy knives and swords can cause harm. Give each child a flashlight. 10. Set a good example. Show that you care about safety and make it a top priority. Have you taken The EQ Foundation Course(c)?

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There are now about 1 centenarian (person over 100) per 10,000 population in the US. Scientists have studied some to find out what they have in common.

One thing they have in common is resilience. They're able to bounce back from losses without loosing their zest for life amd have positive attitudes. Sounds like EQ doesn't it.

Most of the other things are not surprising -- they observe a nutritious diet, don't smoke, aren't obese, and have the genes for it (it runs in families) .

One thing researchers found did surprise me -- they emphasize the need for flossing. Has to do with not getting blocked heart vessels.

15% still live alone. 85% are women, and 15% men, but the men who do make it to 100 do better than the women.

Want to develop your EQ? Take The EQ Foundation Course, or email me for coaching. I also offer courses and ebooks on resilience and optimism

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As we await medical news about a beloved member of our family, I'm reminded of they keys to resilience. Waiting for "news" can be stressful. What can you do? In fact, when you're in that situation, you wonder "What will I do? We won't know for two weeks. How am I supposed to..."

Divert yourself is one key. Intellectually you know that worrying without aim is pointless and also exhausting. When you're waiting on information, you tend to play out all the alternatives. It's a waste of time. Beyond doing what needs doing daily, divert yourself.

• Start a new book
• Go get a massage
• Surround yourself with people
• Get with a child. Children are always in the moment and you'll have to go there w/ them
• Plan a party
• Journal
• Take a trip

When you do go back to the concern, remain optimistic and hopeful. Plan for the worst, but expect the best.

DWELLING gives you even more psychological and physiological stress than you're already under, and accomplishes nothing.

Further, you build the habit into your brain, i.e., this is how I handle potential adversity. It becomes an habitual way of dealing with a problem. To start breaking that cycle, you have to start thinking differently.

Resilience is the bouncing back. Practice making the cycle shorter and less intense, and you[ll bounce back faster and more easily.

EQ coaching can help you with this.

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"There can be no knowledge without emotion. We may be aware of a truth, yet until we have felt its force, it is not ours. To the cognition of the brain must be added the experience of the soul." -- Arnold Bennett (1867-1931) We innately know when someone is talking from experience rather than book-learning. There's a Zen koan that's pertinent here: "If you want to know the path, ask someone who's coming back."

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THE FIRST LAW OF COMMUNICATION IS: ASSUME THAT YOU HAVE BEEN MISUNDERSTOOD Virginia Sapir, a pioneer in family counseling, wrote: “Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him.” With this in mind, I present some my favorite COMMUNICATION OPERATION PRINCIPALS 1. “In order to understand what another person is saying you must assume it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of.” ~George Miller, psychologist (Also known as "Miller's Law") 2. “The first law of communication is: Assume you have been misunderstood.” ~Source Unknown 3. “Men can take up to 7 hours longer [than women] to process complex emotive data. [They] will not know what they feel at the moment of feeling and will take longer to figure it out. [They] may not be able to put their feelings in words – if they choose a verbal strategy at all.” ~Michael Gurian, author of "What Could He Be Thinking" 4. “Verbal confrontation is as natural to men as walking or breathing, and as unconscious.” ~Suzette Haden Elgin, author of "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" 5. “There is a libraryful of research to indicate that logic is almost useless as a way of convincing people of anything.” ~Suzette Haden Elgin 6. “Never use Hedges (‘I know you’re going to say no, but…’). They are exactly equivalent to wearing a big sign that say ‘Please kick me – I would love to be a victim.’” ~Suzette Haden Elgin 7. “If a man truly wants to communicate with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions.” ~Gary Smalley 8. “For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.” ~George Ade 9. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” ~Peter Drucker 10. “Sympathetic people often don’t communicate well. They back reflected images which hide their own depths.” ~George Eliot 11. “If you can always be taken by surprise because you have no idea what verbal aggression is or how to spot it, you are an ideal target.” ~Suzette Haden Elgin 12. “The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time.” ~John Powell Have you taken The EQ Foundation Course(c)? Have you visited the best eBook Library on the Internet?

Emotional Intelligence Applications

As those of you with whom I've spoken recently know, I've been reading "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," by Suzette Haden Elgin. Dr. Elgin has a Ph.D. in Linguistics, and formerly taught Linguistics at San Diego State. I picked this book up because I'm writing an ebook on Dealing with Difficult People (as well as teaching teleclasses on it), and one thing you have to be able to do when you're dealing with a difficult person, is to be able to defend yourself. This is a point many people don't seem to 'get'. YOU can have all the emotional intelligence in the world, but if the person speaking at you does not, and moves to an adversarial position, your EQ move is not one of empathy ("I must be kind. He obviously had a hard childhood") but rather to note the emotional response that signals to you you're under attack (our emotions are there to guide us), then quell it so you can THINK and figure out the best thing to say. Here are Elgin's 4 Principles (in caps) and my comments in small, as I can't figure out how to get a colored font on this thing! 1. KNOW THAT YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK. Your intuition will tell you this. Your emotions, that are here to guide you. If you feel tense, angry, depressed, disgusted, afraid, like "something's wrong," and so forth, you are under attack. If you don't 'get' that you're under attasck, and don't defend yourself, you mark yourself as a ready target for the future. 2. KNOW WHAT KIND OF ATTACK YOU ARE FACING. (More on this later) But at this point you must quell your emotions and start thinking. You need a clear head. 3. KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOUR DEFENSE FIT THE ATTACK. Too little and you'll remain the victim; too much and you could get yourself in trouble. And, as Elgin says in this book about the GENTLE art, "There is no excuse for anything more than just exactly enough." 4. KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Time to handle the emotions again, particularly if you're female. US males tend to be well-versed in this from childhood on. Females, however, are not, and may experience some guilt when you deliver the one-two. Why do this? Personal Power, an EQ competency. You are not HOPELESS AND HELPLESS. If you do fail to defend yourself, you're acting HOPELESS AND HELPLESS and you will begin to believe your own press, as they say. Process the emotions further and you will have your reward! Instead of feeling depressed, angry, resentful, disgusted, tense, with headache, stomach ache, ruminations and obsessing over the injustice, you may have a great sense of relief. You may not even think about it further. When you take care of things immediately, and well, they move along quickly. You won't be lying awake that night wishing you'd said ... or wondering why you didn't ... Until next time!

Welcome

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon,
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrows,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of future pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty,
even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your life from god's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, "YES!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the quiet empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer