Friday, October 28, 2005

Your Halloween EQ Test

WORKING WITH A BUNCH OF STRAW MEN, SQUASH-HEADS, AND WITCHES?
GETTING BULLIED? TRY SOME EQ COACHING. WE HAVE ANSWERS!
ANGRY?
SAD?
EQ IN JACK-O-LANTERN LAND


EMOTIONAL INTEL- LIGENCE ... IT'S ABOUT WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORK BETTER. MOST PEOPLE SAY "IT'S THE MISSING PIECE" AND THAT IT TRANSFORMS THEIR EXPERIENCE OF LIFE.


Will it make you happy? Most people are about as happy as they decide to be, and most people don't know how to decide to be.


Call 210.496.0678 or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc to get started NOW.


We're rated the #1 EQ coach certification and training program on EQ.org.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

What profession has the highest EQ?


CHECK OUT THE EQ RESEARCH FROM INDIA:

TABLE 4.1 I can't do a table, so read it this way please,

Rank, Name of Profession, Average EQ Score,

1.Artist (dance, drama) 290, Extremely high
2 Insurance (officers of companies) 285 Extremely high 17.5
3 Advertisement (managers of agencies) 285 Extremely high 11.5
4 Social work 285 Extremely high 31.8
5 Teaching 280 High 23.5
6 Legal 260 High 8.9
7 Tourism 255 High 14.6
8 Politics 255 High 8.2
9 Business/
Entrepreneurship 255 High 16.8
10 Police 250 High 26.7
11 Judiciary 245 Average 5.5
12 Administration 215 Average 7.4
13 Information Technology 210 Average 11.6
14 Medicine 210 Average 14.5
15 Banking 200 Average 23.4
16 Engineering 200 Average 7.3
17 Accountancy 195 Average 27.9
18 Nursing 185 Average 14.0

Do you think it would be the same in the US? He points out that a highly structured job, with rules you can't vary from, requires less EQ to be successful at.

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===============================================
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Happy Halloween!

OH THE WONDER OF IT ALL

It's a good time to see things from a child's eyes. It's an odd celebration, Halloween. Originally to celebrate the harvest, and also worship or pay reverence to the dear-departed. By one theory candy was put out to attract children, because ... I think children were needed! Aren't they always! They're out life, and our future, and our joy.

Take care of the little ones this Halloween. Don't scare them too much!

An EQ point -- when feelings are running high, we can't think clearly. Remember they'll be excited (and quite possibly high on suge) which means you need to stress the safety rules and go over them beforehand, before the celebration begins.
1. Supply costumes that are safe - fire retardant, no hems to trip on
2. Many children are fascinated by fire so watch them around candles and jack-o-lantersn
3. No masks that obscure vision
4. Stay with the group
5. Stop look and listen for cars
6. Don't eat anything until it's been checked out by a parent
7. If something's too scary, just say no!
8. Not all dogs are friendly
9. When it's over, it's over (great lifeskill is learnin when to stop and when to start, yes?

The Opera Librettists

HOW TO SING THE SONG OF THE UNSUNG HEROES

This article is for you if you’re a behind-the-scenes kind of person – the admin assistant who gets the presentation ready for the guys in marketing but doesn’t get to go to the meeting; the PR pro who writes all their speeches and answers all the complaint letters for the president or CEO; the at-home mother who makes sure the concert pianist practices; the deputy chief whose job description is doing all the things the chief doesn’t like to do or can’t do; or the paralegal who prepares all the pleadings, knows all the codes, and does all the licking and stamping.

Temistocle Solear, Antonio Ghislanzoni, Henri Meilhac, Jules Barbier, Michael Carre, Guiseppe Giacosa, Luigi Illica, Renato Semoni, and Nicola Haym all know what this is like.

Who on earth are these people??

Well even if you’re not an opera fan, I bet you’ve heard of the composers Verdi, Bizet, Mozart, Gounod, Handel, Donizetti and Puccini, and some of their operas – Aida, Carmen, Cosi fan Tutte, Madame Butterfly, Faust, and Don Giovanni, for instance.

Did you know that these composers wrote the music for their operas but not the lyrics? Solear, Ghislanzoni and the other individuals in the list are what’s called “librettists.” It is they who wrote the words to the music that tell the story, without which you would be listening to a symphony, not an opera. And we never hear their names!

They’re called “librettists” because the words to the songs, which basically comprise the script of the opera, is called a “libretto.” It’s Italian for little book.

Like Gilbert and Sullivan, the pairs worked together. The inimitable Richard Wagner was the only one to compose all his operas entirely by himself, creating both music and lyrics, which may account for why they are so powerful, so “Wagnerian.”

This is quite a feat because composing music and writing words require different parts of the brain.

Sometimes the composer and librettist met in person, while other times the work was done by correspondence. Strauss worked exclusively with one librettist, after writing his own lyrics for his first opera and finding out he wasn’t good at it, but most other composers switched around, finding the right librettist for the job, or one who was available. It’s not unlike the way a lot of us work these days – long distance and by contract.

Again, grasp the significance of the work these unsung heroes did. The words are so integral to the opera they are never translated. Subtitles run across the big screen on stage, or the little screen on the chair in front of yours at the opera. We read them in our native tongue while they are sung on stage in the original German, Italian, or French. (For aficionados, anyway. Beginners may enjoy translations, such as The Chandos Opera In English series, which translates the lyrics into English.)

What an incredible collaboration an opera is. It takes costume designers as well, because an opera is as much visual as it is auditory. The Grand Opera is known for its elaborate sets and costumes. In “Turandot,” when the mob turns surly and the moon appears, she is personified and costumed in a magnificence dominated the stage for what seems like half an hour, that will keep you transfigured.

One opera I hope to see one day is Verdi’s “Aida,” excuse me, Verdi and Ghislanzoni’s “Aida” at the Bath of Caracalla in Rome, where the Triumphal March of Rhadames features live elephants and horses on stage. Now that’s entertainment!

What we don’t see at an opera is the orchestra, perhaps the most important element of all. They’re listed in the program, of course, and given their bows at the curtain calls, but we only hear them, seated down below in the orchestra pit as they are.

Many elements go together to produce the opera we see that bears the name of one man only. Take “Turandot” for instance. It was librettist Semoni who gave Puccini the suggestion for the opera in the first place, telling about “Turandotte,” a play written by Gozzi, based on a fable from the Arabian Nights.

Puccini had been searching for two years for a suitable plot for an opera, and at the age of 61 began “Turandot,” instructing his librettists, Adami and Semoni to “pour great pathos into the drama.” Puccini was known, incidentally for being extremely demanding, requiring endless rewrites from his librettists.

From his point of view however, the librettists were difficult. We can read his letters begging them to do their work. He wrote frantically to Simoni, in charge of Act III, “The third! The third! The third!”

At one point, he confessed to a friend “Music disgusts me…”, as he evidently had periods of self-doubt and composer’s block. Toscanini paid him a visit and gave him the encouragement to keep going.

Puccini was justified in urging completion of the opera as he died before the team had completed the third act. The collaboration continued on, as Toscanini found a composer named Franco Alfano, whose name is rarely mentioned, to complete it, and the world premier took place on April 25th, 1926, the work of one guiding genius and many hands, hearts and minds.

It isn’t that teamwork and collaboration is new, it’s that it’s newly being recognized. Most of us realize we couldn’t accomplish anything alone, while those behind the scenes who work long and willing hours, long for some recognition. Appreciation, after all, is what tops the surveys when employees talk about what they want at their job, and it’s so consistently there, it’s a wonder it isn’t heeded more.

Ricahrd Montuori, town manager of Bellica, Massachusetts, knows and appreciates his team. “I love [my] job,” he said a newspaper interview. “Every day is different and presents new challenges. Finances are a daily and yearly challenge, but no one person ever accomplishes anything alone. We have excellent department heads and town boards that help keep the town moving in the right direction.”

Isn’t it nice to hear someone publicly acclaim the team that makes him shine? I hope your boss or manager does this for you, and that if you’re the boss or manager, you appreciate and acknowledge – and sing – the unsung heroes in your midst.

But how do you praise everyone? There are always so many.

Here’s a leadership trick I learned from a pro. At the culmination of an anniversary banquet, engineered by many, and funded by many more, the director of the benefited-agency rose and thanked “everyone who helped make it possible to raise the $50,000.” Then he added, looking around the room, “And I’d especially like to thank someone whose name I won’t mention, but they will know who I mean.”

I thought it was me! So did a dozen other people, I’m sure, and that was what the director had in mind, he told me later when I asked him whom he had in mind, because his glance around the room was professionally ambivalent.

It works, and it’s always, always true.
================


"My music is so often like a lullaby I write to myself o make sense of things I can't tie together, or things I've lost, or things I'll never have." -Stephans


You love music. It soothes the savage beast! Let me send you my delicious gourmet selection -- once a week to your email inbox, FR**. All you have to do is click and listen .. to some of the finest music in the world through time and space from the beauty in me to the beast in you. Club VIVO PER LEI/I LIVE FOR MUSIC. Click HERE to join. It's free, of course. My way of giving back. (While you’re there, enjoy Schumann’s Abegg Variations.)

Finnegan is Rescued!


FINNEGAN HAS BEEN RESCUED AND ITS ONE OF THE SWEETEST STORIES AROUND!

WHEN LIFE GETS COMPLICATED, PEACE IS STILL REALIZABLE IN SIMPLE PLACES, A DEEP BREATH, AND IN THE HEARTS OF KIND PEOPLE ...

Read the story here.

What's New in Science

WINNERS OF THE IGNOBLE PRIZE

#1I FEEL SICK, I MUST BE IN LOVE

Three Italian (what a surprise) chemists Marazziti, Rossi, and Cassano who investigated romance, along with their colleague Akiskal, found that biochemically, romantic love may be indistinguishable from having severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)!*

The main finding of their study was that subjects in the early romantic phase of a love relationship had the same density of of the platelet 5-HT transporter as OCD patients, considerably lower than in those not afflicted. "madly in love lately," it sure can feel like "an affliction."

FOR THEIR WORK THEY WERE AWARDED THE IG® NOBEL PRIZE

The Ig® Nobel Prizes are awarded annually by "The Annals of Improbable Research," a scientific journal dedicated to celebrating the unusual, honoring the imaginative, and spurring interest in science, medicine, and echnology.

LISTEN TO THE NPR CLIP FROM THE CEREMONY HERE. Three Nobel prize laureates karaoke the inventor of the karaoke machine at the end of the 2004 ceremony at Harvard with "You're just too good to be true."

Here are the 2004 winners:

MEDICINE A/K/A IT IS REALLY THAT BAD/

Steven Stack and James Gundlach for their published report "The Effect of Country Music on
Suicide
." PUBLISHED IN: Social Forces, vol. 71, no. 1, September 1992, pp. 211-8.

"The results of a multiple regression analysis of 49 metropolitan areas show that the greater the airtime devoted to country music, the greater the white suicide rate. The effect is independent of divorce, southernness, poverty, and gun availability."

PHYSICS A/K/A THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW
Ramesh Balasubramaniam and Michael Turvey, for exploring and explaining the dynamics of hula-hooping. REFERENCE: "Coordination Modes in the Multisegmental Dynamics of Hula Hooping," Ramesh Balasubramaniam and Michael T. Turvey, Biological Cybernetics, vol. 90, no. 3, March 2004, pp. 176-90.

PUBLIC HEALTH A/K/A/ AND AT 6 SECONDS ...?

Jillian Clarke of the Chicago High School for Agricultural Sciences, and then Howard University, for investigating the scientific validity of the Five-Second Rule about whether it's safe to eat food that's been dropped on the floor. (no link available)


CHEMISTRY A/K/A I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I DON'T LIKE BOTTLED WATER!

The Coca-Cola Company of Great Britain, for using advanced technology to convert ordinary tap water into href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/story/0,3604,1174127,00.html">Dasani, a transparent form of water, which for precautionary reasons has been made unavailable to consumers.

"First, Coca-Cola's new brand of "pure" bottled water, Dasani, was revealed earlier this month to be tap water taken from the mains. Then it emerged that what the firm described as its "highly sophisticated purification process", based on NASA
spacecraft technology, was in fact reverse osmosis used in many modest domestic water purification units. "Yesterday, just when executives in charge of a £7m marketing push for the product must have felt it could get no worse, it did precisely that.

The entire UK supply of Dasani was pulled off the shelves because it has been contaminated with bromate, a cancer-causing chemical." (Reported in "The Guardian")


ENGINEERING A/K/A YOU CAN PATENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS??

Donald J. Smith and his father, the late Frank J. Smith, of Orlando Florida, for patenting the combover (U.S. Patent #4,022,227).

"A method of styling hair to cover partial baldness using only the hair on a person's head. The hair styling requires dividing a person's hair into three sections and carefully folding one section over another." (IF ONLY THERE WERE ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOS!)

LITERATURE A/K/A I HOPE THIS WASN'T GOVERNMENT FUNDED

The American Nudist Research Library of Kissimmee, Florida, (located on the grounds of the Cypress Cove Nudist Colony!)
for preserving nudist history so that everyone can see it.

PSYCHOLOGY A/K/A THIS ONE IS PLAIN OUT SCARY ...

Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris for demonstrating that when people pay close attention to something, it's all too easy to overlook anything else -- even a woman in a gorilla suit. REFERENCE: "href="http://viscog.beckman.uiuc.edu/media/ig.html">Gorillas in Our Midst," Daniel J. Simons and Christopher F. Chabris, vol. 28, Perception, 1999, pages 1059-74.
DEMO: href="http://viscog.beckman.uiuc.edu/media/ig.html">http://viscog.beckman.uiuc.edu/media/ig.html

ECONOMICS A/K/A NO COMMENT

The Vatican, for href="http://sify.com/news/othernews/fullstory.php?id=13498514">outsourcing prayers to India.

"With Roman Catholic clergy in short supply in the United States, Indian priests are picking up some of their work, saying Mass for special intentions, the New York Times reported.

PEACE A/K/A AND HE DIDN'T GET A CENT FROM IT!

href="http://www.time.com/time/asia/asia/magazine/1999/990823/inoue1.html">Daisuke Inoue of Hyogo, Japan, for inventing karaoke, thereby providing an entirely new way for people to learn to tolerate each other.

href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4057291">HERE you can hear him accept his prize.

In 1971, he leased the first set of karaoke machines to nightspots in Kobe. Despite the invention's popularity, he made little profit because he didn't patent the machine. It is now a $10 billion-a-year business.

BIOLOGY

Ben Wilson, Lawrence Dill, Robert Batty, Magnus Whalberg, and Hakan Westerberg for showing that herrings apparently communicate by farting. REFERENCE: "Sounds Produced by Herring (Clupea harengus) Bubble Release," Magnus Wahlberg and Håkan Westerberg, Aquatic Living Resources, vol. 16, 2003, pp. 271-5.
REFERENCE: "Pacific and Atlantic Herring Produce Burst Pulse Sounds," Ben Wilson, Robert S. Batty and Lawrence M. Dill, Biology Letters, vol. 271, 2003, pp. S95-S97.
Here, href="http://www.zoology.ubc.ca/~bwilson/herring_sound.wav ">listen to it yourself!

Former winners have included

MEDICINE

Chittaranjan Andrade and B.S. Srihari of the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences, Bangalore, India, for their probing medical discovery that nose picking is a common activity among adolescents.

PSYCHOLOGY

David Dunning of Cornell University and Justin Kreuger of the University of Illinois, for their modest report, "Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties
in Recognizing One's Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments."

============================

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Anger Suppresses the immune System / Arbonne Supports It





Click on the book to order this important resource. Think your partner's cheating? Let TheCloser find out for sure. "We don't care why you want to know."


ANGER KILLS ... AND HOSTILITY IS ANGER WITH TEETH


ANGER KILLS. We've heard this often enough, but what are we to do about it? It's normal to get angry in certain circumstances, and justified. One thing Dr. Redford Williams (who wrote the book Anger Kills) tells his patients to do is to ask themselves if being held up in traffic is worth a heart attack, or if a teenager coming in 30 minutes late is worth dying over.

We know that hostile people are walking time bombs. What's a hostile person? Here is some information from Coping.org. Visit their site to learn more, and enjoy their copious coping tools.

WHEN I AM HOSTILE I AM:
sarcastic, filled with bitter humor.
biting and acerbic in my criticism of others.
cynical and unmoved
suspicious and often unlikable
defensive, paranoid, and self-protective
untrusting and disbelieving in others
self-focused rather than other-focused
see site for more

HOSTILITY CAN RESULT IN PHYSICAL EXPERIENCES OF:
tightness in my chest.
throbbing in my heart.
warm blush in my face.
profusive sweating.
high blood pressure.
see site for more

HOSTILITY CAN RESULT IN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES OF:
fear and confusion regarding the reactions and opinions of others.
disinterest in the feelings of others.
wanting to have attention drawn to me.
wanting to be given sympathy.
self-pity.
see site for more

HOSTILITY IS AROUSED IN ME WHEN I:
consider all the inequities of life.
realize the perversity of people, business, or politics.
consider the offensive treatment I received in my family of origin.
review all the real or imagined failures in my life.
see site for more

WHAT IRRATIONAL BELIEFS AROUSE MY HOSTILITY?
no matter how hard I try, I'll not reach my goals of success and happiness.
Why should I always be the one who is giving, caring, and forgiving, in my life?
I should be rewarded for my good deeds, hard work, and sense of fair play.
I shouldn't have to suffer all this disappointment, pain, and suffering.
The good should always win out over the bad in life.
see site for more

BECAUSE OF MY HOSTILITY, SARCASM AND CYNICISM, I FIND THAT:
people seek me out infrequently.
it is hard to sustain friendships and close, lasting relationships.
there is less enjoyment in my work, play, and life in general.
I am not sought out to be a support person in someone else's life.
my philosophy of life is open to criticism and attack.
see site for more

IN ORDER TO OVERCOME MY HOSTILITY, SARCASM AND CYNICISM, I NEED TO:
rethink my philosophy of life.
make an honest inventory of my behavior toward others.
analyze the effects of my hostile behavior on me and on others.
develop a set of rational beliefs about the realities of being a mortal being in the human condition.
become less cause oriented in my view of life.
see site for more

WHAT DO I DO FIRST?
Step 1: In order to overcome my hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism, I must admit that this is a problem for me. To do this, I need to review the following questions in my journal:


A. Which of the characteristics of hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism apply directly to my behavior?
B. What physical side-effects do I experience when I am hostile?
C. What are the emotional effects of my hostility?


Read the rest of the steps, suggestions, definitions and more tools for copin with anger, visit CopingOrg.
======================================
CLUB VIVO PER LEI/I LIVE FOR MUSIC NEWS: In anticipation of an adored composer's coming 250th birthday, Mozart mania has begun infecting the classical music world.

"The most tremendous genius raised Mozart above all masters, in all centuries, and in all the arts," declared Richard Wagner.

We adore Mozart for his beautiful music, and his ebullient spirit. He suffered, but it didn't seem to effect him as the suffering of other musicians affected them. Of course there's an EQ point here! Despite the fact that his father exploited and used him for income from the time he was about 5, Mozart bounced along.

"Mozart's joy is made of serenity," wrote Andre Gide, "and a phrase of his music is like a calm thought; his simplicity is merely purity. It is a crystalline thing in which all the emotions play a role, but as if already celestially transposed. Moderation consists in feeling emotions as angels do.

DO YOU THINK EQ IS FEELING EMOTIONS AS ANGELS DO?

Click HERE to join Club Vivo Per Lei. It's free, of course!
==========================
Stressed out? Try ARBONNE's Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement. Engineered by the Swiss, mfg in US. It's a technological-advanced formula designed to support the immune system. Emotions affect the immune system (5 mins. of anger can suppress it for 6 hours!) and your immune system is your health. Be proactive and get on a supplement like this to stay well. Give yourself a break ... give yourself some ARBONNE. That, and EQ, and music are all you need!

Anger Suppresses the Immune System/Arbonne Supports It





Click on the book to order this important resource. Think your partner's cheating? Let TheCloser find out for sure. "We don't care why you want to know."


ANGER KILLS ... AND HOSTILITY IS ANGER WITH TEETH


ANGER KILLS. We've heard this often enough, but what are we to do about it? It's normal to get angry in certain circumstances, and justified. One thing Dr. Redford Williams (who wrote the book Anger Kills) tells his patients to do is to ask themselves if being held up in traffic is worth a heart attack, or if a teenager coming in 30 minutes late is worth dying over.

We know that hostile people are walking time bombs. What's a hostile person? Here is some information from Coping.org. Visit their site to learn more, and enjoy their copious coping tools.

WHEN I AM HOSTILE I AM:
sarcastic, filled with bitter humor.
biting and acerbic in my criticism of others.
cynical and unmoved
suspicious and often unlikable
defensive, paranoid, and self-protective
untrusting and disbelieving in others
self-focused rather than other-focused
see site for more

HOSTILITY CAN RESULT IN PHYSICAL EXPERIENCES OF:
tightness in my chest.
throbbing in my heart.
warm blush in my face.
profusive sweating.
high blood pressure.
see site for more

HOSTILITY CAN RESULT IN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES OF:
fear and confusion regarding the reactions and opinions of others.
disinterest in the feelings of others.
wanting to have attention drawn to me.
wanting to be given sympathy.
self-pity.
see site for more

HOSTILITY IS AROUSED IN ME WHEN I:
consider all the inequities of life.
realize the perversity of people, business, or politics.
consider the offensive treatment I received in my family of origin.
review all the real or imagined failures in my life.
see site for more

WHAT IRRATIONAL BELIEFS AROUSE MY HOSTILITY?
no matter how hard I try, I'll not reach my goals of success and happiness.
Why should I always be the one who is giving, caring, and forgiving, in my life?
I should be rewarded for my good deeds, hard work, and sense of fair play.
I shouldn't have to suffer all this disappointment, pain, and suffering.
The good should always win out over the bad in life.
see site for more

BECAUSE OF MY HOSTILITY, SARCASM AND CYNICISM, I FIND THAT:
people seek me out infrequently.
it is hard to sustain friendships and close, lasting relationships.
there is less enjoyment in my work, play, and life in general.
I am not sought out to be a support person in someone else's life.
my philosophy of life is open to criticism and attack.
see site for more

IN ORDER TO OVERCOME MY HOSTILITY, SARCASM AND CYNICISM, I NEED TO:
rethink my philosophy of life.
make an honest inventory of my behavior toward others.
analyze the effects of my hostile behavior on me and on others.
develop a set of rational beliefs about the realities of being a mortal being in the human condition.
become less cause oriented in my view of life.
see site for more

WHAT DO I DO FIRST?
Step 1: In order to overcome my hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism, I must admit that this is a problem for me. To do this, I need to review the following questions in my journal:


A. Which of the characteristics of hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism apply directly to my behavior?
B. What physical side-effects do I experience when I am hostile?
C. What are the emotional effects of my hostility?


Read the rest of the steps, suggestions, definitions and more tools for copin with anger, visit CopingOrg.
======================================
CLUB VIVO PER LEI/I LIVE FOR MUSIC NEWS: In anticipation of an adored composer's coming 250th birthday, Mozart mania has begun infecting the classical music world.

"The most tremendous genius raised Mozart above all masters, in all centuries, and in all the arts," declared Richard Wagner.

We adore Mozart for his beautiful music, and his ebullient spirit. He suffered, but it didn't seem to effect him as the suffering of other musicians affected them. Of course there's an EQ point here! Despite the fact that his father exploited and used him for income from the time he was about 5, Mozart bounced along.

"Mozart's joy is made of serenity," wrote Andre Gide, "and a phrase of his music is like a calm thought; his simplicity is merely purity. It is a crystalline thing in which all the emotions play a role, but as if already celestially transposed. Moderation consists in feeling emotions as angels do.

DO YOU THINK EQ IS FEELING EMOTIONS AS ANGELS DO?

Click HERE to join Club Vivo Per Lei. It's free, of course!
==========================
Stressed out? Try ARBONNE's Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement. Engineered by the Swiss, mfg in US. It's a technological-advanced formula designed to support the immune system. Emotions affect the immune system (5 mins. of anger can suppress it for 6 hours!) and your immune system is your health. Be proactive and get on a supplement like this to stay well. Give yourself a break ... give yourself some ARBONNE. That, and EQ, and music are all you need!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Hurricane Wilma

HURRICANE WILMA ... If you're sitting in the possible path of a hurricane, your fears are legitimate and realistic.


Our fears can also be irrational. We know this very well about others, i.e., the little boy who thinks all dogs bite, or the adult who's afraid to ride in elevators. When we have a fear like that, we know it's irrational intellectually, but it isn't making any difference to us emotionally.

I'm reminded of this watching Halloween come around. I write, coach and consult about EQ at work, among other things. I have always written before the holidays (Christmas, Kwanzaa, Yom Kippur) to help with the emotions that churn at that time of year, because of all the issues we all have to face, and that managers, HR and CEOs must prepare for. They center around religion, and we feel strongly about religion. How to honor this is an ongoing challenge in the US, with our increasing diversity, but we know from history that it's about the most important thing to most people. More wars have been fought in the name of religion, and more people killed, than probably any other cause, and civilizations such as Rome lasted as long as they did because they never tampered with the religions of the people they conquered.

We feel strongly about religion. One person thinks it's wrong to celebrate Christmas in the workplace, and another thinks it's fine to celebrate Christmas as long as Kwanzaa is celebrated as well.

Those feelings are strong, but they can't compare to the FEAR that generates at Halloween.

I am not a native of Texas, but have lived here many years, and I'll never forget my first Halloween here. The town I live in is 60% Hispanic, and (as you may or may not know) there's this thing they do where they dress skeletons like a bride and groom. I found this very startling! There's a lot that goes on around Halloween that's scary; there are plenty of kids that don't really like it.

And what it triggers are two things we don't like around an office -- (1) It's "childish," and (2) It's creepy, and each person has their own level of "creepy tolerance."

We can put up a Christmas tree in an office and get little flack, but try putting a jack-o-lantern with candy corn in it, or a skull and crossbones, and watch the feathers fly.

Now I'm going to relate this to Hurricane Wilma which is circling around the Yucatan as I write, and heading for somewhere in Florida. We've been told we have 3 days to prepare and that it's moving at 5 miles an hour.

THE CRUISE I TOOK IN A HURRICANE

For years I refused to take a cruise because someone always invited me in September and that's, as I "knew," Hurricane Season. Actually hurricane season, as technically defined by the weatherologists, lasts for more than 6 months.

Then I was asked to speak on a cruise in September, my sister had also been asked, and I didn't even think about it. Off we went. Into the eye of the storm, it turned out. That was Hurricane Isabelle, September 15-20, 2003. Check out this amazing website for a replay.

But we didn't know it when we embarked, as it's called, we only learned about it as rumor and near-panic spread through the ship. Being quasi-personnel, we heard the crew side of it. They weren't at all concerned about safety, just the extra work. The furniture had to be removed or lashed down, doors sealed shut, people calmed, and the ship diverted.

Now I'd like to think they care about the people (and of course they do), but there's also that $20 million ship (or whatever they cost these days) to consider, so trust me, you're safe. The captain (and you must witness the captain of a cruise ship to understand absolute authority) has all the GPS stuff, and is in constant touch with necessary information. (And like a good captain, he also made a point to stroll around and make his calm, assured presense known to the passengers.)

You actually can't be safer than on a cruise ship. Well, I mean you're safe in Boise, Idaho, but as far as where the hurricane might be actually heading. The ship can easily, easily outrun the hurricane. If you're sitting in Key West, or Cozumel, not so. You can't move.

In fact my son's father-in-law says that when he was in the navy in Vietnam, they'd duck in and out of a hurricane in order to wash the ship. Five miles an hour, as you know, is very slow.

What happened is we went elsewhere. The hurricane appeared to be heading for Grand Cayman, so we went to Belize instead. That's bad (at least to me), but not as bad as sitting on land waiting and wondering and not knowing, and then being hit. We simply went elsewhere. We were taken such good care of. The ship did rock and roll more than usual. Those stabilizers usually make the bobbing below the level of awareness, but as I gave my talk on "Emotional Intelligence," all full of allusions to the sea, I almost fell over, and a few people were seasick and wearing their patches, but all in all, it was ... well actually it made a great memory and a great story.

So my fear of cruising "during hurricane season" was irrational. It was confronted by the actuality, and dispelled.

What irrational fears do you have? How are they limiting your life? What might you do about this?

The keys to this were (1) having the experience, which I wouldn't actively have chosen, it was just luck; and (2) not being alone. My sister and I have been through worse things together.

It's very different to be stuck on land in the probable path of a hurricane, unable to get away.

Think of this in EQ terms. Being able to move is so crucial. When we're flooding with fear, the chemicals from our reptilian brain poise us for "fight or flight." (There's no fighting a hurricane, of course; one must flee.) But there are those whose amygdala is over-active, and they FREEZE. This can happen when you stop and think ... the reptilion reactions are designed to STOP THINKING. (Therefore, my friend, if you want your employee, or your child to take a corrective action, don't frighten them!)

When confronted with a charging bull, you won't survive if you become rational and try and figure out what breed it is. "Hmm, It's bos iberius the ones born and bred to charge. I'd better run. No wait, it could be a ...."

Those emotions are designed to move us ... literally and figuratively. Our emotions are designed to give us information that keeps us alive. It's how we manage them. There's no feeling that isn't accompanied by a thought. To me when I hear "cruise and hurricane" my emotional reaction is not one of fear. If I were in Key West right now, I would be scared, and my heart goes out to those in the possible path. Of course we just coped with this around the Houston area recently.

Another little boy isn't afraid of dogs biting, and another adult isn't afraid to ride in elevators, but we're all afraid, after the age of about 6, to be in the path of a speeding car, because ... "you have to be carefully taught."

There's no feeling that isn't accompanied by a thought, you see. When I hear "hurricane and cruise," my thoughts don't scare me. And looking at two skeletons dolls dressed like a bride and groom isn't going to hurt you, it's the thoughts you're having.

What have you learned? How does it serve you? It is rational or irrational? If you're sad, or depressed or angry as the holidays approach, what are you thinking? Would it serve you, and your health, to rethink?

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS THE INTERFACE BETWEEN INTELLECT AND EMOTION.
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Emotions of Leadership: Gender Bias

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WHO DOES THE GROUP CHOOSE TO LEAD THEM (WHEN IT'S NOT ASSIGNED OR DICTATED)? HOW ABOUT THIS DEFINITION OF LEADERSHIP: “LEADERSHIP CAN BE SEEN AS A WORKING RELATIONSHIP AMONG MEMBERS OF A GROUP" ...
This is about leader which surely requires a host of emotional intelligence competencies. After all, the leaders that are chosen at work, are foisted on it; what happens when it's left up to the group who does the leading?
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Abstract:

Whoever gets to emerge as a leader may be the one with the right mix of individual traits that the rest of the group may find easy to identify with. Then, does it really matter whether a man or a woman becomes leader? Some observers, leaning on stereotypical data and research, tend to believe that leadership emergence favors men more than women.

We are living in a global market economy where more and more organizations are embracing group projects or teamwork. Team leadership becomes an important buzzword at the same time. There is a large increase of diverse people working shoulder to shoulder on various tasks and goals. Men and women group themselves or are grouped by the organizations in order to reach higher quotas and achieve more productivity.

It’s important to note that the effects of sex, gender role on self- and group perceptions of leader emergence fall under the large umbrella of interactive relation. After all, Pierce and Newstrom state in Leaders and the Leadership Process that “leadership can be seen as a working relationship among members of a group.” Commenting on Stogdill’s observation, these two authors suggest that “leadership is a relationship that is associated with the attainment of group objectives, implying that it is an activity, consisting of movement and getting work accomplished.”

There is no doubt that the leadership role is coveted by many people in the group. Therefore, becoming a leader will require more than the application of traits as suggested by the Great Man Theory. Being entrusted with the responsibility of leading the group to performance and satisfaction will require the use of strategies and keen observation.

A considerable amount of research has been devoted to understanding the factors associated with individuals emerging as leaders in groups. Two of these characteristics are biological sex and gender role (Goktepe & Schneier, 1989). Past research has consistently shown that men more often emerge as leaders than women (Carbonnell, 1984; Megargee, 1969). Kent, R. L. and Moss, S.E. provides an overview of the literature in Effects of sex and gender role on leaders emergence published by the Academy of Management Journal. They said that this phenomenon has been attributed to internal (Teborg, 1977; Wentworth & Anderson, 1984; White, DeSanctis, & Crino, 1981) and external (Ahrons, 2976; Bowman, Worthy, & Greyson, 1965; Goodale & Hall, 1976; Powell, 1993; Weisman, Morlock, Sack, & Levine, 1976) barriers limiting women’s leader emergence. We must rejoice in the fact that some recent evidence is suggesting that there have been shifts in societal acceptance of women as leaders (Sutton & Moore, 1985) and that some of the barriers that prevented women from emerging as leaders may be coming down (Brenner, Tomkiewicz, & Schein, 1989; Chusmir & Koberg, 1991).

In this paper, we will try to show the relationship between leader emergence and the characteristics of sex and gender role. It’s hoped that we will meet our objectives by clarifying and answering these three questions: (1) Are men more likely to emerge as leaders in group situations, (2) what are the effects of gender role on leader emergence, and (3) is sex and gender role a good predictor of leader emergence?

It’s appropriate to agree on the definition of leader emergence. “Leader emergence, as contrasted with leadership, is a product of social interaction and results in a consensus among group members that one (or more) individual(s) could serve the group more usefully in attaining group goals than the other members” (Bass, 1981:13). Most of the research investigating emergent leadership has been directed by the trait approach, which assumes that leaders are endowed with certain characteristics that predispose them to be effective in a wide range of situations. Despite the intuitive appeal of the trait approach, strong and consistent empirical support has been lacking. Dobbins, G.H., Long, W.S. & Dedrick, E.J’s article, “The Role of Self-monitoring and Gender on Leader Emergence: A Laboratory and Field Study” is reviewed by Tayna Cheer Clemons.

There is a suggestion that leader abilities, aptitudes, interests and personality characteristics typically account for less than 10 percent of the variance in leader emergence. Based on these results, many researchers conclude that a leadership trait or constellation of traits does not exist (e.g., Jenkins, 1947).

If leadership traits are not sufficient in predicting the rise to leadership, Lord, De Vader, and Alliger (1986) conducted a meta-analysis and concluded that previous reviews were far too pessimistic. They suggest that some variance in leader emergence can be predicted by the dominance, intelligence, and masculinity-femininity of the leader.

Further, Kenny and Zaccaro (1983) proposed that persons who are consistently cast into leadership positions possess the ability to perceive and predict variations in group situations and pattern their own behavior accordingly. Kenny and Zaccaro’s description of leadership is very similar to the social psychological construct of self-monitoring. THIS IS EQ. Researchers are saying that females are good at studying social cues. Self-monitoring refers to the ability and willingness to read verbal and non-verbal social cues and alter one’s behaviors (Snyder, 1979).

CONSIDER THIS IN TERMS OF EQ ...

High self-monitors (HSMs) are adept both at reading social cues and at regulating their self-presentation to fit a particular situation. HSMs are typically good actors and are able to display unfelt emotions. They place a premium on impression management and adopt what they see as a pragmatic interpersonal orientation. They rely more on situational factors to determine behavioral appropriateness and less upon their inner feelings, attitudes, and dispositions. They communicate better than low self-monitors. HSMs can spend time more time and energy reviewing background information so that they accurately understand their audience (Elliot, 1979). It is fair to say that self-monitoring has both genetic and environmental precursors though nobody is clear about its origins. HSMs, in contrast to LSMs, are attentive to social comparison information, concerned about the appropriateness of social behavior, relatively adept at acting, able to control behavior and optimize self-presentations (Gangestad & Snyder, 1985). HSMs tend to accurately read the settings and feelings of group members and subsequently exhibit behaviors that match group members’ expectations. As a result, they tend to emerge as leaders more frequently than will LSMs.

It’s worth pondering, for a moment, the effects of sex and gender on leadership emergence. How do women fare with the self-monitoring description? A review of the literature will help us understand what women have had to put up with. Garland and Beard (1979) who tested the prediction found that self-monitoring predicted leader emergence only for women. However, there may be some problems with this testing. The relationship between self-monitoring and emergence can be attenuated because self-monitoring cannot predict emergence when all groups are either high or low. When it comes to accounting for gender effects, a lot of research finds that men emerge as leaders much more frequently than do women.

Margargee (1969) examined the effects of dominance of leader emergence and found that men emerged more frequently than women irrespective of dominance levels. The same way, Nyquist and Spence (1986) found that 90 percent of high dominant women, and only 25 percent of high dominant women emerged as leaders over low dominant men. And Wentworth and Anderson (1984) found that men emerged as leaders in 86 percent of mixed-sex groups. Other studies by the same researchers and Fleischer and Chertkoff suggest that women may have been slightly more likely to emerge as leaders in the 1980s than in the 1960s, but their chances of doing so were best when they were perceived as experts.

The major study conducted by Megargee (1969) can shed some more light on the effects of sex and gender on the emergence of leadership within a group. She initially intended the study to be gender-neutral. The subjects rated high on dominance, as measured by the dominance scale on the California Personality Inventory and working in same-sex dyads emerged as leaders 69 percent of the time. In mixed-sex dyads with high-dominance men and low-dominance women, the men emerged as leaders 88 percent of the time. However, in mixed-sex dyads with high-dominance women and low-dominance men, the women emerged as leaders only 25 percent of the time. Anticipating that shifts in societal gender-role expectations would affect the frequency of women’s leader emergence, researchers such as Nyquist and Spence have tried to replicate Megargee’s original study. They also found similar results despite the fact they set up their study to be a more gender-neutral one.

In almost all of the studies conducted by the various researchers, gender-role effects were an important factor. Fagenson (1990) is suggesting that because of traditional gender stereotypes, it appears that the possession of feminine characteristics is detrimental to leader emergence while the possession of masculine ones is beneficial. These days, with so many changes in the workplace, the roles of the sexes have been blurred. The recent women’s liberation movement of the past decades, the mass entrance of women in the work force, the increasing number of female managers (Powell, Posner, & Schmidt, 1984), and the societal shifts in gender-role perceptions have all contributed to these changes. It would be interesting to find out whether because of all these changes women today possess more masculine characteristics than they have at any time in the past. Furthermore, many studies have shown masculinity to be associated with leader emergence.

Pierce and Newstrom report “in a study by Goktepe and Schneier (1989), college students performed gender-neutral tasks over the course of a semester. The effects of both sex and gender role on the leader emergence were assessed. The results indicated that sex had no effect on leader emergence, but gender role did. Specifically, regardless of sex, masculine subjects were more likely to emerge as leaders than feminine, androgynous, and undifferentiated individuals.” In view of these findings, Pierce and Newstrom developed four hypotheses:

(1)Men will more often emerge as leaders in group situations than women

(2) Group members high in masculinity will emerge as leaders more frequently than those low in masculinity

(3) Gender identity will account for more variance in leader emergence than biological sex

(4) Individuals classified as masculine or androgynous will emerge as leaders more frequently than individuals classified as feminine or undifferentiated. The study, however, did not indicate whether having feminine characteristics would strengthen or weaken the prospects of leader emergence for those high on masculinity.

It is important to note a few results of this study. The above-named researchers found out that androgynous or hermaphroditic individuals have the same chances of emerging as leader as masculine individuals. The implications of the study can be summarized as follows.

First, consistent with previous studies and in support of Hypothesis 2, it is clear that masculinity is still an important predictor of leader emergence.

Second, contrary to previous findings, the emergence of androgynous leaders suggests that the possession of feminine characteristics does not decrease an individual’s chances of emerging as a leader as long as the individual also possesses masculine characteristics.

Third, as an extension, if women in other contexts are more likely to be androgynous than masculine, as they were in the study, they may have better chances of rising to leadership status. There will have to be verification of androgyny as being related to leader emergence in other settings in future studies. Nothing is conclusive.

EAGLY'S GENDER-ROLE THEORY: Men are more likely to emerge as leaders in task-oriented groups, but women are more likely to emerge as leaders in socially oriented groups.

Conventional wisdom or common sense suggests that systematic connections exist between gender, interaction, and leadership. We all know that a group of women are believed to organize social life differently than men. In other words, women are expected to enact less instrumental behavior than men and to create hierarchical structures of power and prestige less often. In mixed-gender settings, women are expected to hold a disproportionate share of low-status positions on power and prestige hierarchies,” observed Walker, Henry A, Llardi, Barbara C, McMahon, Anne M, Fennell, Mary L. in Gender, Interactions, and leadership.

Gender is a status characteristic in U.S. society, and females possess the low state of characteristic (Berger, Rosentholtz, and Zelditch 1980). Let’s look at some of the additional theories behind gender, interaction and leadership.

Walker et al. said “the world of experience appears to verify these presuppositions. Males exercise more influence than females in face-to-face groups such
as families
(Strodtbeck 1951; Zelditch 1955) and juries (Strodtbeck, James and Hawkins 1957; Strodtbeck and Mann 1956). They are also more likely than females to become members of prestigious occupations, to hold positions of authority at work (Wolf and Fligstein 1979) and to achieve powerful positions in the corporate and civic worlds (Kanter 1977; Kathlene 1994). After considering the data on gender, interaction and leadership, one may not wonder why there has never been a woman president in the history of the United States.

Based on the gender-role socialization theory, girls and boys are taught to enact gender-typed behaviors; the tendencies, once established, are stable and relatively inflexible. Gender-role socialization (GRS) arguments build on functional theories of role differentiation to explain gender differences in behavior (Bales 1953; Durkheim 1964; Zeditch 1955. GRS arguments predict uniform gender differences. They presume that females enact more expressive than instrumental behaviors, whereas males perform a higher proportion of instrumental acts. What to remember is the following: Gender-role socialization (GRS1) suggests that all-female groups are less likely than all-male groups to develop hierarchical patterns of power and prestige. GRS2 suggests that females are less likely than males to hold top positions on power and prestige structures in mixed-gender groups. Furthermore, we can take a look at the legitimacy theories. LEG 1 stipulate that all-femaile groups are as likely as all-male groups to develop hierarchical patterns of power and prestige. LEG 2 states that females are as likely as males to hold top positions on power and prestige structures in mixed-gender groups. Walker et. al say that the legitimacy arguments presume that some combinations of actors (or identities), roles, and behaviors are more legitimate than others; that is, they are constitutively prescribed or normatively defined as more appropriate. These theories imply that actors whose identities possess equal legitimacy enact similar behavior. Members of homogeneous groups possess equally legitimate identities-in-action.

A more profound review of the existing literature seems to shed more light on the effects of gender role, leader emergence and whether sex and gender role is a good predictor of emergent leadership. Without even taking the natural occurrence of birth order, many females have had lots of experience being leaders. Many of these women are used to holding leadership positions. Ronk (1993) in her study of gender gaps in management failed to find differences between male and female leadership styles based on personality traits and their relationship to leadership quality. The same study also reports that there is no difference between male and female managerial styles and values that predict behavior in men and women.

Ronk was not the only researcher who came up with this conclusion. Phillip A. et al. provide the study conducted by Campbell et al. (1993) which concludes that gender has no substantive impact on leadership style.

Furthermore, Maccoby and Schein are said to present a large body of literature on sex-role stereotyping which might predispose an individual to expect a particular type of leadership approach from a female leader. Butterfield and Powell (1981) argued that sex-role stereotypes, not sex, are predictors of leadership styles and that leader sex effects appear to be decreasing. Kent and Moss (1994) also concluded that although women were slightly more likely than men to be perceived as leaders, gender role had a stronger effect than sex on emergent leadership.

In view of all these research results, it remains clear that women have a better chance of being themselves if they want to rise to leadership positions. Rojahn and Willemsen (1994) found only limited support for the gender-role hypothesis that women are more favorably accepted when they act like women and not like men.

References:

Books:
Pierce, J.L. and Newstrom, J.W. Leaders and the Leadership Process. (New York: McGraw Hill Higher Education, 2003)
Powell, G.N. (1988). Women & Men in management. Newbury Park, CA: Sage

Stogdill, R. M. Handbook of leadership: A survey of the literature (New York: Free Press, 1974)
Ahrons, C.R. 1976. Counselor’s perceptions of career images of women. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 8: 197-207.

Berger, J., Rosenholtz, S. J., and Zelditch, M. 1980. “Status organizing Processes.” Annual Review of Sociology 6:479-508. Bischoping, K. 1993. .

Bowman, G.W., Worthy, N.B., & Greyson, S.A. 1965. Problems in review: Are women executives people? Harvard Business Review, 43 (4): 52-67.

Carbonell, J.L. 1984. Sex Roles and leadership revisited. Journal of Applied Psychology, 69: 44-49.

Elliot, G.C. 1979. Some effects of deception and level of self-monitoring on planning and reacting to self presentation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37: 1282-1292.

Fagenson, E. A.,. 1990. Perceived masculine and feminine attributes examined as a function of individuals’ sex and level in the organizational power hierarchy: A test of four theoretical perspectives. Journal of Applied Psychology, 75: 204-211.

Jenkins, W.O. 1947. A Review of leadership studies with particular reference to military problems. Psychological Bulletin, 44: 54-79

Goktepe, J.R., B Schneier, C.E. 1989. Role of sex, gender roles, and attraction in predicting emergent leaders. Journal of Applied Psychology, 74: 165-167.

Goodale, J.G., & Hall, D.T. 1976. Inheriting a career: The influence of sex, values, and parents. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 8: 19-30.

Kent, R. L., & Moss, S.E. 1990. Self-monitoring as a predictor of leader emergence. Psychological Reports, 66: 875-881

Kenny, D., & Zaccaro, S. 1983. An estimate of variance due to traits in leadership. Journal of Applied Psychology, 68: 678-685.

Megargee, E.I. 1969. Influence of sex roles on the manifestation of leadership. Journal of Applied Psychology, 53: 377-382.
Snyder, M. 1979. Self-monitoring processes. In L. Berkowitz (ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology, 12:86-128. New York: Academic Press.

Nyquist, L.V., & Spence, J.T. 1986. Effects of dispositional dominance and sex role expectations on leadership behaviors. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50:87-93.
Snyder, M. 1986. Public appearances/private realities. New York: Freeman and Company.
Ronk, LA. (1993), “Gender gaps with management”, Nursing Management, May, pp. 65-7.
Strodtbeck, F.L., 1951. “Husband-Wife Interaction over Revealed Differences.” American Sociological Review 16: 468-73.
Terborg, J.R. 1977. Women in Management: A research review. Journal of Applied Psychology, 62:647-664.

Wentworth, D. K., & Anderson, L.R. 1984. Emergent Leadership as a function of sex and task type. Sex Roles, 11: 513-523.

Walker, H. A., Llardi, B.C., McMahon, Anne M., Fennell, M.L. Gender, Interactions, and leadership. Social Psychology Quarterly. Washington: Sep 1996. Vol. 59, Iss. 3; pg. 255, 18 pgs.

White, M.C., DeSanctis, G., & Crino, M.D. 1981. Achievement, self-confidence, personality traits, and leadership ability: A review of literature on sex differences. Psychological Reports, 48: 547-569.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Wagner: Strength of Will, Stress and Music


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A We continue to explore the effects of healing and music. Join Club VIVO PER LEI/I Live for Music by going HERE.


The genius of Richard Wagner(German composer) is almost unhuman ... As Verdi said, re: Wagner's opera Tristan and Isolde (and Verdi was not an uncritical admirer of Wagner: "I could never quite grasp the fact that it had been created by a mere human being."


Says Magee, in his autobio of Wagner:


"To a serious extent [Wagner] was a victim of his own strength of will. His normal experience was of incessant longings, cravings, yearnings, for things he could not have, or at least did not get. Because of this his life, at any rate until its last 18 years, was a catalogue of frustration -- and because of the power of his will that frustration was of an abnormally high level of intensity. And because of this -- each thing following on from the last -- he was always in a stressed condition.

When one examines the seemingly endless list of physical maladies from which [Wagner] suffered they are nearly all such as are usually **stress disorders -- or what we might now dub psychosomatic illlnesses, though in his day people did not have that concept.

For much of the time he was a sick man bruising himself against the world, against both people and institutions, hurling himself against circumstances, never letting up, making his condidion worse.

For this reason he was profoundly unhappy for most of the time."

He himself wrote that these was never a day in his life he did not contemplate suicide.

**This is an unfair statement, or rather an incomplete one. We know now that our emotions effect every cell in our body, and our immune system, which is our health, and the fact that the term "gut feeling" originated because the vagus nerve extends from our first and real brain (the one in our heads) all the way down to our intestines, or "gut" which is called "the second brain" by scientists. This is why when we're frustated in our heads, as Wagner was, we feel it in our hearts and in our stomachs, and anywhere else in our bodies. The toxins build up, the immune system goes down, and call it whatever you like, the person FEELS BAD and gets SICK.


THERE REALLY IS NO NEED FOR MIND-BODY MEDICINE BECAUSE THEY WERE NEVER SEPARATE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

Halloween ... a Multicultural Look

YGRAINE IS READY FOR THE HOLIDAYS!


I am babysitting my grand-dog right now. Her parents have moved in with friends while they demolish their current home and build a new one.


I don't understand people who say dogs don't "have feelings." It's so clear! Ygraine sat by the front window when her "daddy" drove away and whimpered. Reluctantly she took a piece of cheese I offered but returned to the window, hoping against hope ... Then she walked slowly and forlornly over to her place on the rug by the the television where she had sat the whole time her dad was here. I know she'll adjust in a couple of days. She's been here before. Right now she's miserable, missing her home and her folks. (Ever had that feeling?) I will gently work with her but right now I'm not what she wants and there's no way around it.

It's sad to see her refuse the love that's here for the love that's gone.
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TODAY'S READ IS A LOOK AT HALLOWEEN FROM A MULTICULTURAL STANDPOINT:

Halloween began as an ancient Celtic ceremony called Sawhain. It was the Celts major celebration, a festival of the dead but also the beginning of winter.

It was time for them to harvest their crops and store them, and round up the cattle and sheep and move them in closer. They believed at this time the ghosts of the dead mingled with the living. I think this is archetypal (in our bones) because things are dying this time of year. Plants are dying, leaves fall off the trees ...

Others think it was the harvest, why keep it to yourself? Invite all your ancestors and dearly departed to join in.

Sawhain was exactly 6 weeks after the Autumnal Equinox and 6 weeks before the Winter Solstice.

Now here's how one tradition developed. It was New Year's, a new beginning. Cold, too, so they'd have a fire. Someone from each household would be sent to collect embers from the community fire to start the fire at their own hearth. The easiest way to carry home the coals was in a hollowed out turnip, sometimes with a carved face on it to scare away evil spirits.
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The trick or treat? This is from bigchill.net:

Cakes and sweeties are also essential. Ghosts are especially benevolent towards children and everyone knows that the best way to lure children to the table is with sweet stuff.

Anyway, the Celts were celbrating Sawhain and then the Christian missionaries arrived to convert them to Christianity. In one of the sanest, most humane, edicts I've read, Pope Gregory I issued an edict that it was to be done this way: the missionaries should not obliterate the native religion, but rather use it. If they found the Celts worshipped a tree, they should not cut it down, but rather consecrate it to Christ, and let the worship continue.

Christian holidays were also set to coincide with local holy days. All Saints Day was assigned November 1st and meant to substitute for Sawhain, but Sawhain still it continued.

Jack Santino says, “The powerful symbolism of the traveling dead was too strong, and perhaps too basic to the human psyche, to be satisfied with the new, more abstract Catholic feast honoring saints.”

The Church tried again in the 8th century, naming November 2nd as All Soul’s Day, but Sawhain continued, and with time, All Hallows Eve (the night before) became Hallowe’en. People began to dress in costume to seek gifts of food and drink, which had originally been set out to appease spirits, to lure children to their doors with goodies, and to masquerade as spirits, and our traditions of Halloween evolved.

There’s a lesson in multiculturalism here; a way to change culture and blend beliefs and traditions. “Worship” was the constant in the equation, and dealing with dark spirits, which they kept and modified. The new was accommodated without changing the old too much. Remember this when you’re changing a household or office custom.
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Friday, October 14, 2005

EQ 4 U

MAYBE SHE'S NOT SUCH AN ANGEL AFTER ALL. DATING ON THE INTERNET HAS ITS HAZARDS. LET TheCloser FIND OUT FOR YOU.
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ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND A HAPPY-FACE MASK? One of the hardest things a business organization has to deal with (or a person, because a business is ultimately a person ... the people) is the unexpected.

Ask the governor of New Orleans.




What's your personal version of "We had no way of knowing the levees would break" or "We didn't realize so many people wouldn't be able to evacuate."

Your version might be:

  • Yes, I knew he didn't like it here, and I knew he was very popular, but I never thought he'd take half my sales force with him when he left.
  • The price of oil wasn't supposed to go down. I just lost half my retirement.

  • I thought he didn't like it here, but I had no idea he'd take half the sales force with him when he left.
  • I assumed the two department heads would coordinate the launch before they started.
  • Of course we didn't have key-man insurance. Who would anticipate harry would drop dead of a heart attack at the age of 41?
  • I thought everyone in the department knew how to run that software. How come they never told me Annette was the only one who did?


    Getting your mind around risk is an essential part of leadership, just as an optimistic can-do attitude is, and the two must not be confused.

    They are two different EQ skills, both necessary.

    In fact it could be said, "Count on the best, but prepare for the worse."

    There are contingencies you must antitipcate, and have Plan Bs in your head. What IF Rosemary got sick and couldn't come in for a week? Could you survive? What IF the price of that part sky-rockets? What IF you couldn't work for a month, what would happen to the company?

    In the business world it's called "low-probability/high-impact events that require complex understanding." Here at EQ Central (where we try to avoid jargon), it's resilience, because, in fact, it's never the things you could anticipate that will throw you, it's that phone call at 3 p.m. on a pleasant Wednesday afternoon that changes your world forever.

    Flex your EQ muscles ... learn resilience. You'll need it some day. Sooner or later.

    Panic shuts the brain down and stops us from being able to think just when we need it the most. Like when those levees we counted on ... or that top salesperson who carried the company ... or the only housing market in the country that's risen steadily for 25 years ...

    Don't hide behind the Happy Mask. Take it off and look around. And this includes making it possible, in fact rewwarding, for those who work for and with you to tell it like it is -- to you -- to your face (without the mask).

    Take a tip from the US Army After-Action Reviews: Get the team together immediately to analyze the problem, not blame someone -- what should have happened, what did happen, how it happened, and what to do next time. You should be so lucky it's "someone's fault, Paula's". No, it's usually a systems failure.

    Here's a good reasource for you, a book that begins "One of the greatest challenges any business organization faces is dealing with the unexpected..": Managing the Unexpected: Assuring High Performance in an Age of Complexity" by Karl E. Weick and Kathleen M. Sutcliffe.

    This should peak your interest. Know about amazon dot com's Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs)? Here they are: (learn more) capability for mindfulness, preoccupation with failure, mindful culture, toward mindlessness, mindful management, capacity for mindfulness, interactively complex, high reliability organizations, mindful processes, your work unit, failure reluctance, mindful action, informed culture, mindful moments, safety culture, most other organizations, disagree responses, explosive range, less mindful, five processes, action repertoire, more mindful.

    Does that whet your appetitite?

    YOU'RE NOT ALONE. YOU HAVE A COACH. RIGHT HERE. I do not require a contract. You're smart, and I'm experienced. If we can solve it in one-session, so much the better.

    To subscribe to the EQ at Work ezine, go HERE.

  • Wednesday, October 12, 2005

    Spice Up Your Sex Life

    WANT TO SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE?


    According to studies conducted by the Diet & Fitness Center at Duke University Medical Center, morbidly obese people are 25 times more likely to have problems in their sex lives than normal-weight people.

    What impressed reseracher Martin Binks, Ph.D., psychologist and director of behavioral health at Duke, was how big a difference it makes in one's sex life to be morbidly obese. There are numbers which indicate "morbidly obese" (like BMI) but I think we know when we're there - or fatter than we'd like to be, or heavier than we should be for optimal health, or displeased with our weight, or when it is interfering with our sex lives, yes?

    The study confirmed that desire for sex, performance, and enjoyment all decline with obesity. In fact some "morbidly obese" people avoid sex, even dating, completely. And with the media and other pressure in the US who does this apply to -- thinking that we're "too fat" to enjoy a sex life or "too fat" to date or be attractive to the opposite sex?

    A majority of the US population iss overweight, and a majority of females may not be overweight but are pressured to feel terrible unless they are pencil thin.
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    One of the hardest thing for women in the US to deal with is the attitude toward weight. Just read the profiles on the Internet dating sites ... "can't stand overweight women," "no fatties need apply," "don't send me a picture 25 lbs. ago," and "first, send me a photo and what size do you wear?"

    This is analagous to asking men for their salary, 401k and income, asking for a photo of their bank statement, saying "less than 6 figures, don't bother writing." It's rude and insensitive. Worse than that it isn't considering what a person is really like, on the inside - their dream and plans, their values, how they treat other people, and who they are.

    People change. If you're in it for the long haul, your love may have wrinkles come day, gray hair, a few extra pounds, or a bad case of acne. It isn't about what's on the outside!

    In Binks' study, the average BMI was over 40 and individuals were asked about four things:

    1. enjoyment of sexual activity
    2. sexual desire
    3. difficulty with sexual performance, and
    4. avoiding sexual encounters

    All these people were in treatement for "obesity."

    65% of them said they had significant sexual problems
    50% had difficulties desiring sex
    42% had performance problems
    41% said they avoided sex
    28% reported less enjoyment of sex, compared with 4% of the normal-weight group.

    THAT'S A HIGH PRICE TO PAY FOR WEIGHING MORE THAN IT IS HEALTHY TO (you can lose weight) or FEELING BAD ABOUT YOUR SELF-IMAGE (which can be conditioned, caused by a critical Significant Other, parent, or partner, or "in your head" (you can work on your emotional intelligence).

    One of my clients, Nancy, started taking the ARBONNE weight loss supplement and lost weight after a year of being at a standstill, despite a decent daily diet and running several miles every day. She weighs 20 lbs. more than the charts say she should. However, she looks good, has no health problems, and is largely operating with an "emotional hangover" from her last boyfriend who, because he, himself, suffered low self-esteem, kept putting her down. This is living in the past! She's also working on her emotional intelligence competencies and self-talk. One of the competencies is "personal power" - not being in the "victim" position.

    If your "self-talk" has been poisoned by a negative person, check into the EQ FOUNDATION COURSE or CALL FOR ONE (1) COACHING SESSION.

    I DO NOT ASK FOR A COACHING CONTRACT LIKE OTHER COACHES. MOST OF THE TIME WE CAN ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU CAME FOR IN ONE SESSION. I don't know if I'm better than other coaches, work faster, or attract a more motivated and savvY group of clients, but that's the way it works out, so please don't feel like I require a 12-month contract like some coach's, or that one session will be a waste of time or just a prelude for a contract. You know what's best for you. My clients know what works for them. If you want a "contract" please ask for one. Me? I just want to get you where you want to go, whether we accomplish that in one session or several.

    I have clients who pop in from time to time, and some who've been coaching with me for years.

    If you have a problem in your head about your weight, which is undoubtedly affecting your love life, sex life and emotions, why not give me a call?

    If you're a man who's obsessed about the "weight" of women, you might also want to consider that this is really about YOU, and get some coaching.

    Everyone deserves a great life, a great sex life, a great partner, and a great job! YES!
    ======================
    graphic, common domain, pdphoto credit

    Monday, October 10, 2005

    Emotional Intelligence & Success in the Workplace

    WINTER IS COMING. ARE YOU PREPARED? GOT SOME GOOD BOOKS TO READ, SOME GREAT MUSIC TO LISTEN TO?

    This is a great time for you to join the Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music Club. Music soothes the savage beast and you love it! I'll send you a gorgeous selection once a week - just the best - to the beast in you from the beauty in me! Click HEREto join.
    =================================================
    Have you wondered who's got the highest EQ? We can't help making comparisons, and in some cases we need to know, for instance if we're hiring someone for a very sensitive position. After all, we wouldn't think of hiring someone to be a math professor who wasn't good at math. Certain professions would seem to require a higher EQ than others (say a coach v. a computer programmer), but there hasn't been much research done on that yet.

    But here's how it stacks up as to age, and genger, by one researcher at any rate. Reuven Bar-On, Ph.D.

    EQ AND AGE

    Bar-On has tested numerous people around the world and has found that there are, as you would guess, difference between the age groups.

    On most of the scales, and overall, older people score higher than younger people.

    This seems to peak in the late 40s. That's when people get the highest mean scores.

    Children's EQ also increases with age.

    This is interesting because cognitive intelligence increases up until late adolescence and then starts a (mild) decline. (There's some debate about whether it increases or not!)

    EQ AND GENDER

    1. In overall EQ there are no differences between the genders, statistically, however there are big differences in the separate competencies.
    2. North America ["NA"] females appear to have stronger interpersonal skills than males
    4. NA males have a higher intrapersonal capacity, are better at managing emotions and are more adaptable than women
    5. NA women are more aware of emotions, demonstrate more empathy, relate better interpersonally and are more socially responsible than men.
    6. NA men have better self-regard, are more self-reliant, cope better with stress, are more flexible, solve problems better, and are more optimistic than women.

    Bar-)n has noticed these trends in every population he's studied.

    These results, says Bar-on, are why men are diagnosed with psychopathology more than women, while women suffer more from anxiety-related illnesses (American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

    According to Bar-on, there were no differences between various ethnic groups that were compared (Bar-On, 1997b, 2000, 2004; Bar-On & Parker, 2000). He writes, "This is an interesting finding when compared with some of the controversial conclusions that have been presented over the years suggesting significant differences in cognitive intelligence between various ethnic groups (e.g., Suzuki & Valencia, 1997)."

    IN SUM, the older people are, the more socially and emotionally intelligent they are. Females are more aware of emotions than men are, but men are more adept at managing them. (Seems like we need each other, yes?)

    From the website The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, article by Reuven Bar-On, Ph.D.

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    Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

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    ========================================================
    One of the most difficult emotions to manage is fear. It's strong, because it protects us. Too much of a good thing stops us from living our lives. How do you tell the difference? Getting to know your emotions, in general, better, which is the self-awareness that is the cornerstone of EQ. Take THE EQ FOUNDATION course for a good start.


    "Normal fear protects us; abnormal fear paralyses us. Normal fear motivates us to improve our individual and collective welfare; abnormal fear constantly poisons and distorts our inner lives. Our problem is not to be rid of fear but, rather to harness and master it." Martin Luther King, Jr.

    Subscribe to my ezines. There are several to choose from. All exceptionally attractive and informative. Go HERE to subscribe.

    Saturday, October 08, 2005

    WONDERING WHAT TO DO? Two heads are better than one. If you're a guy and uncharacteristically stumped (EQ studies show men are better problem-solvers than women), call for coaching. It means there's something you really need to bounce off someone else. This has nothing to do with "getting help." That's not what coaching is about. It's plan ... strategy ... thinking smart ...

    I do not require any sort of coaching contract. The majority of things can be handled in one session. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc to set a time, or call 210-496-0678 and I'll return your call. DO it now while it's on your mind. Strike while the iron is hot.










    Join Our Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music Club




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    If you live for music, like I do, join the new club. You'll get a message once a week in your emailbox.
    MUSIC IS AN OUTBURST OF THE SOUL: Listen to a perennial favorite, "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring." - Music is intelligent emotion.


    "Music is the effort we make to explain to ourselves how our brains work. We listen to Bach transfixed because this is listening to the human mind."  +Lewis Thomas, American physician and writer 

    Thursday, October 06, 2005

    Poetry

    What do the following words have in common? Poetry, Paris Hilton, google, amoxil, yahoo, ebay, top 100 baby names, dogs, jessica alba, girls, radio stations, games cheat, jenna jameson, pamela anderson, and mapquest?

    They were the top search terms used during the past 48 hours according to a search tracking website (minus x-rated terms). The numbers of hits for the first 5 was as follows :

    Poetry, 4537
    paris hilton, 4178
    goodle, 4142
    amoxil, 3522
    and so forth

    What does this sort of data tell you about your world ... the world we live in? The top entry in search engines is poetry?

    My EQ Foundation course contains POETRY because we intuitively know of its connection to emotion, and importance in our lives. We fall in love and we start writing poetry. We feel pain, we read poetry and listen to music.

    When your love affair ended, did you write poetry? Whether it ends with divorce, a split, death, a misunderstanding, cheating, or defeat by time and circumstance, breaking up is one of the hardest things we do.

    Please share with us your experiences breaking up with a love. Click HERE to take The Breaking Up Survey.

    POETRY:

    ADEH LAMENTS THE LOSS OF LOVE

    (OR THE LOVER MOURNS FOR THE LOSS OF LOVE)






    Pale brows, still hands and dim hair,
    I had a beautiful friend
    And dreamed that the old despair
    Would end in love in the end:
    She looked in my heart one day
    And saw your image was there;
    She has gone weeping away.

    -- William Butler Yeats

    [emotionalintelligence]